My Dear Child, Letters from your Mom Part One: You Were Not Put Here to Merely Exist

A Preamble

When my own mother died, I wished so badly she had left behind a playbook to life for me. Something filled with her wisdom and wishes of what she wanted for me, lessons she had yet to teach me, words of encouragement when I needed them most, a permanent piece of her thoughts I could refer to when I needed her guiding light the most. When my mother, your BeBe, died, it created a new fear in me; a fear of you one day living in a world without me there to support you, to guide you, and to cheer you on. You see, the only fear I hold in the unavoidable death I will one day face is knowing I will not be there for you in the physical any longer. Have no doubt, I will always be watching over you and cheering for you from whatever realm I exist in, but I know from experience, it is nowhere near the same. One sleepless, tear-filled night of talking into the abyss to my mom and to God, pleading for guidance and finding myself again wishing she had left me a playbook, I made a promise to myself and to you—to leave you a playbook in the form of letters for when I am no longer here. I can't promise they will hold the answers to everything, and I can't promise they will make you feel less alone—just know they are all filled with pure intentions and a deep love for you, a love that no one, not even death, can ever take away from you. You are and will always be the best and most important thing to ever bless my life.

My Dear Child,

As you grow and explore this big, beautiful world, there is an important truth I want to bring to your attention: your time on this Earth is limited, and that is what makes it so incredibly precious. The chances of you being here and you being you are 1 in 400 trillion—you were not put here to merely exist. By the time you read this, you will more than likely have heard the phrase "age gracefully"—the notion that you should grow older with poise and sophistication. I want to tell you something different: fight the urge to conform to that. Society has been trying to conform you to its standards from the moment you took your first breath—I don't know if you have noticed or not yet, but society is, to put it simply, kind of shit. Fuck society. Embrace life with a spirit one could never even dare to tame—live for adventure and know that chaos can be beautiful, seek fun, stick to your convictions, uplift others in kindness, be so loudly you that it inspires others to be true to their own self. Never forget that life is meant to be lived, not controlled by the acceptance of others. No one makes it out of this world alive—we are all given a ticket with one way in and one way out. That ticket you hold is for a limited time. It's so tempting to fall into the teaching that you should move through it quietly and with grace, but why would you? My love, you exist for such a small fraction of time—treat that time like it owes you every bit of beauty and love and laughter and adventure and magic it holds!

Ditch the perfect image. Perfection is for God; you are not God. Society will try to tell you what is perfect; it will bombard you with superficial images of beauty. It wil

l try to push you to fit inside a tiny little square box and silence you into submission to what it deems proper and acceptable—and it will have you fighting others to be the most perfect example of what goes in your perfectly curated square if you let it. Don't let it. Do you really want to live a poised and flawless life that resembles your peers? Sounds a bit dull and monotone for the quirky, incredibly colorful soul I know you to be. Live for the entire color palette when it comes to painting your story—live in your beautiful vibrancy. Do not shy away from the wilderness of the unbeaten path; be spontaneous enough to run towards your goals and dreams knowing that mistakes are where your intellectual growth spurts lie. Never take yourself so seriously that you are unable to laugh at yourself—the saying "if you don't laugh, you will cry" is true and has saved my sanity more than once. Only take feelings of embarrassment seriously when it stems from your own shame in wrongdoings you have done to others; everything else is so unserious. Never for a moment fall in line with pressure from someone else to be their idea of the person you should be for acceptance—your people will eventually find you, and they will love the real and imperfect you.

Who said all mischief is a bad thing? Not me or your dad, that's for damn sure! A little mischief can go a long way in making life more exciting and worth living. Some of my fondest memories, that fill me with belly-hurting laughter, stem from mischief I have participated in with your aunties and uncles, your grandparents, your father, and you! I know a bar in a vacation town hates to see your godmother and me coming—debutante training couldn't teach the moves the bartops have seen from us. Have you ever seen someone start a block party with a bucket they are using to collect tips for street performers while simultaneously using a traffic cone as a megaphone? I have, and the guy ended up on the news. The guy was your father and his accomplice—your godfather. Don't shy away from a good time! Go create your own belly-hurting laughter with the people you love—even strangers. Playgrounds aren't just for grammar school, kiddo; life is your playground, use it to fill your life story with moments you will look back on with a chuckle knowing you collected them like the treasures they are. Its okay to be the reason someone clutches their pearls every now and then.

Be bold, be adventurous. If you ever catch yourself sitting on the sidelines of life, lace up your shoes and get out there. Do not wait for the permission of others to seek out all of the passions this world holds for you. Remember, you are on this Earth for what is but seconds when looking at how infinitely the world has existed before you and will after you—that is far too little time for hesitations. Go backpacking somewhere foreign to you; it will change your life. Never turn down trying something new if it piques your interest; everything you know now was new at some point. Take risks and take them often. Remember, a stumble or a fall is only considered a failure if you don't grow from it. Leave nothing left unsaid, no matter how scary it may feel—I can tell you from experience, some of your biggest regrets will be things left unsaid. Be brave enough to admit when you are wrong, and never underestimate the power of the word "sorry." Be bold enough to stand tall in your convictions, no matter how hard society tries to change them to fit into what they deem appropriate. There is an ocean of possibilities out there waiting for you—dive in.

In the end, the pages of your life will be a collage of imperfection, love, laughter, heartwarming memories, and heart-wrenching ones as well. They will define the story of you—make sure it's a story full of chapters lived fully and authentically. Remember, you were never put on this earth to merely exist. You were not put here to live in a square box. And you will always be so much more than what society deems you. You were put here to live—so live!

The love I have for you has no ending,

Mom